limbo

this is not aptly titled. 

I actually was in a kind of limbo when I started to write this though, but I’m not now. and all it took was one picture that really helped clear it up for me. 

  
my smile, my joy at simple things, my talent to pick up those around me when I am myself feeling severely low – I almost lost these qualities in my sorrow over a MAN. a man ! can you imagine ?? I wasn’t raised by punk bitches, I was raised by strong Black queens and I forgot myself. honestly all it takes is one good cry, and some severe reflection and you can get over ANYTHING.

it really is important that as women, we don’t let the breakdown of a relationship claim our sanity. no person is ever worth the loss of your own self worth and what you have to offer to this planet and the people who inhabit it. I’m so sensitive, so strong and so powerful, and so free that I love in the exact same way that I live. and it’s not a bad thing. I just have to remember that it isn’t a bad thing, and I can’t change who I am because I am hurt. 

protective style number one

hola !! 

so in my last post I was describing to you guys my next hairstyle which was to be yarn braids with shaved sides. 

here it is – 

   
 
it took me about a day, with breaks in between for sleep and going outside, basically fucking around when I didn’t feel like braiding anymore LOL. 

here’s a pic of the process – 

  
my hair is actually only about an inch long, maybe a little over that. my parts and my braids are very small. but owing to that, they are actually gonna last a very long time. I’m planning for about 6-8 weeks with this hairstyle. 

I’m basically very proud of my work and very pleased with my results 🙂 

hair again

hellooooo ! I know I haven’t posted anything in a while, but I definitely needed to work through and figure out some things. I’m pleased to be back and go back to sharing almost everything with you guys ! so, this post will be about my next step in terms of my hair. 

right now I’m rocking a 2 month old twa on top and the sides are shaved, skin bald. I personally loooveeeeee the feeling of being bald lmao I know it’s weird, especially as a female. but, I love it and at least it’s not my whole head right LOL 

but here is what I will be doing Wednesday when my yarn – yes my YARN – arrives – 

(I bet you can guess what it is because I said yarn) 

  

YES ! if you guessed yarn braids YOU ARE CORRECT ! this is definitely a picture of regular box braids, but the general idea is the same because of my shaved sides. (by the way this girl is gorgeous) 

here is a picture of yarn braids, just for reference – 

  
(another gorgeous girl) 

I can’t wait to show you guys the finished result ! if you have done yarn braids before or have any protective style tips let me know ! 

wednesday afternoon

  
hi all !

enjoying one of my favorite pastimes 🙂 

hope everyone is having an awesome day and a great week !

random deep conditioning

hi all ! I’m not doing anything at all with myself today so I’ve decided to deep condition until later when I have to go out. 

  
I’m using my same cantu deep conditioning mask that I usually use, and I’m going to follow up with a blend of olive, jojoba, and Jamaican black castor oils followed by my cantu argan oil leave in conditioner. I’m loving my hair right now, it’s slowly growing into a tapered fro and I’m loving it. I’ll keep updating my progress ! 

thursday

good morning and happy Thursday ! 

so I spent my morning encouraging my SO and I was just thinking to myself how important it is to really have someone who believes in you and believes that you can accomplish whatever it is you want to do. when we first met, he was in a bad place and didn’t really have anyone to support him emotionally like that. but here I was, the effervescent person that I am like oh please, everything will be fine. you feel like you’re at the bottom ? well guess what, the only way to go is up ! and subsequently he got called for a job and has been gainfully working ever since. life is really not an easy thing and having encouragement is really important. I definitely was discouraged sometimes, and even when I was self harming and doing self destructive things, while he didn’t know what to do he still tried his best to be there and comfort me the best way he knew how. 

I think that if you know someone who maybe doesn’t seem to have the same push that you have, you should encourage them. you don’t have to know someone to tell them that you’re proud of them, to tell them that whatever you may think about yourself you CAN do it. it all sounds very cheesy and cliche but it really is simple and true. 

  

eyebrows

so I’m currently in the process of growing out my eyebrows. this is how they look after a week of not touching them – 

  
(excuse my terrible skin) 

right now I don’t really do much to grow them, I just massage some Jamaican black castor oil into them once or twice a day when I remember. the goal really is to have my complete full eyebrows back by the time it gets cold out and by the time I want to braid my hair (between the end of October and mid November, as long as it’s done before December when it REALLY gets cold). I think it’s possible as long as I continue to not touch them and keep using the oil. it actually helps that I’m not currently working or anything and I don’t have to leave the house if I really don’t want to, because I really don’t care about my appearance right now LOL. I’m only around people who really already know me so I don’t have to get fancy or extra. 

I’m going to keep you guys updated on how well the castor oil is working ! 

fall

so I’m thinking about the fall and the goals I’ve set for myself, and since I won’t be working what are some of the activities I want to do when I’m not tutoring or writing – 

– museum visits, definitely since I’m a New Yorker and there are a lot of museums I have yet to visit in my town 

– day trips to other states ! definitely thinking DC, Philly, maybe even stay for a day or two since nothing is keeping me home. 

– awesome brunches and lunches by myself. I always walk past cute little places in the Village and in downtown Brooklyn, also in Forest Hills in Queens. the possibilities are legit endless. 

– the library ! I personally love the library, I love the quiet and the peace and I really could stay there and read all day. the environment just fosters my whole thought process. 

– I will definitely be cooking. I have so many recipe ideas and combinations that swirl in my head and get jotted down in my notebook, waiting to be brought to life. 

– becoming fiscally fit ! my credit isn’t the best right now but the good thing is I’m young, not looking for an apt or car anytime soon so I have time to fix it. The goal is 750 by 25 ! by the grace of God, it will be done. 

– maintaining my mental stability. yoga, the gym, reading, continuing to do all the things that keep me focused and stable. also, finding a new therapist is on this list of goals. I’m doing great without one but I still feel that I could benefit from a therapist that doesn’t get on my nerves or give me the impression that they themselves are flying high off a line or two. like seriously, I know this is New York but come on. 

– rebuilding my relationship ! I must say I love love love my him and while I have broken down what we had with my own self destructive actions, we are working in coming together and getting even better than we were. and progress is sweet, especially after so much anger and hurt between us. 

– and lastly, growing my hair long enough to protective style it for winter ! definitely a major goal, and now that I finally got my hands on some Jamaican black castor oil I’m excited to add it to my regimen. 

what are some of the things you want to accomplish this fall ? 

  
I love me some marceline !! LOL 

monday thought

so I am realizing that in life you can choose what you deal with, you can choose what you want accept, and you can choose how you want to deal with people and you can project how you want them to deal with you. 

I’m choosing to change myself and my outlook on life for another person, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I think that I was stubborn and selfish before, I self harmed and did other things that hurt not only me but people around me and it hurt them a lot more than I thought, and I really am sorry. I’m soooo sorry, and I can’t take it back but I am making serious strides in proving that that isn’t me anymore. I have chosen the person that I want, and they want me too, but they don’t want the depressed, cut up, unstable me. They just want me to be healthy and I really think that is what defines love. Not wanting to hurt me or my progress, so keeping a distance even though he doesn’t want to, is really doing what’s best for me and I am so grateful. 

Ok I’m done LOL. 

  

new cut x deep condition sundaze

hello hello hello !  

so I got a new haircut, I am STILL growing it out though ; but just the top LOL. only because once I hit about an inch, inch and a half I braid it MYSELF and I just ain got time fo dat. so I just want to braid the middle and leave it at that so ANYWAYYYY here it is – 

  
and I got it for free ! the barber was so taken with me he said on the house when I asked how much, the feminine spell is a powerful thing LOL. 

so I’m also deep conditioning today and I am usingggg – 

  
cantu deep treatment masque, I love it because it can double as a leave in but I don’t use it for that since I already have a cantu leave in. I love this stuff, it smells amazeballs and it leaves my hair extra soft. 

barbecuing later, drinking and touching the sky for Labor Day so I hope everyone enjoys !!